A Movie Review on Cathy Molina's failed attempt to localize Friends with Benefits (Unofficially Yours)

We've all seen No Strings Attached while savoring every single second of Ashton Kutcher's butt exposure. The same goes as well for Friends with Benefits, starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake, whose perfect dose of hotness and chemistry just brings out the inner perverts in all of us. Both movies were released within the span of one year. So now I wonder, is this a mere coincidence or does this “friends with benefits” kind of relationship represent a generational fad? Are what we now call as “fuck buddies” much more palpable than our naïve minds could imagine? Nevertheless, both movies’ prodigious success is probably what pushed Cathy Garcia Molina to localize the same old plot.

Prior to the movie’s premiere airing, trailers were all around ABS-CBN and most local cinemas around. It seemed to be as interesting as a Star Cinema movie could ever be. We have to admit, it’s not everyday that a mainstream ABS-CBN movie with such a sensual plot be released. (Although this movie seems to be following the trend for sensual sex scenes set by No Other Woman, which has been a phenomenal success as well) To hype up the audience’s steam and curiosity, Molina coupled such a daring plot with a very interesting choice of characters to play the role. At first glance, this movie would seem like the perfect hit. With the perfect recipe,consisting of the ideal cast and a plot that would stroke all the souls of the Filipinos made repressed by the death of the 80’s and 90’s Sex Trip movies (this is the closest to non-indie pornography you can get, in the oddest way it reminds me of love and other drugs ) I sat down the cold seats of the Eastwood movie house expecting two hours of tears, laughter, and movie satisfaction. But my expectations were just as much the setbacks and disappointment I felt throughout the movie. Never had I sat in a cinema itching so much for the apparition climax, the turning point, any interesting thing actually, or at least the end of a very dragging scene.

Overall, I grade the movie with One star. Why’d I leave one star? (1) For the effort of Molina and (2) as credit for Angel Locsin’s Beyonce-like body. I mean, who really cares about the first one? We all just paid attention to the latter. Knowing that a daring, revealing, semi-pornographic sensual role was to be played by someone mandated by a men’s magazine as the sexiest woman in the country was definitely one of the things most people looked forward to, and it was in this aspect alone that I wasn’t disappointed. And although its against my long standing principles, I’m afraid to say that the same does NOT go for John Lloyd. (Peace and no offense meant to all his fanatics out there)

Now what did I do with all the other four stars? Did they fall asleep from all the tedious scenes in the movie? Or were they scared away by John Lloyd’s newly grown baby fats? (Contradictory in itself, haha)

I deny them of one star as John Lloyd’s massive (I am not sure if it is that evident, or I just have a meticulous eye for these kinds of things) weight gain has denounced him of his crush ng bayan label. His now healthier-than-regular face size and receding hair-line now give me the feel of someone who belongs in Aga Mulach’s age group. And on a more insulting nore, he did not have the abs of Derek Ramsay to pull off the same enigma he created during No Other Woman’s bed scenes.

As I would hate to go on and on with exasperating reasons as to why this movie has aggravated me, I cannot end this post without mentioning how slow the movie paced. It felt like a century sitting there. I had a restroom trip and returned without missing anything, finding myself absolutely needless to ask my friend “what happened when I was gone?”

It was that tedious.

I deny them of the two more stars for the movie is engraved with tedious scenes that would just bore the knack out of anyone who isn’t in love with either John Lloyd or Angel's face. They failed to entertain me, despite the plot and perfect cast, I can say that without a doubt.

What a waste.

And to worsen things much much much more, all their attempts to encrypt jokes in the dialogue just dug their own grave for them. This costs them one less star on my rating, once again. Obviously, they copied the same pattern (Re: Carmi Martin’s hilarious lines and jokes + Sex scenes) that No Other Woman took, hoping that they would deem the same success for the second time around. But K Brosas’ attempt to peg Carmi Martin just made everything worse, and causing a sore to the eye, the ear and the heart as well.

Anyway, I would like to end this movie review with a nice and deserving paragraph that it deserves. But the movie deserves no better and through this I shall be stating my aggravated point.

Sexy polo dresses, anyone?

I know this "wear-a-mans-polo-and-turn-it-into-a-dress" thing is one of the most overused and overdone themes in both 9-gag and tumblr. But that wont stop me from trying it out myself. And hey, it wasn't as easy as it looks =))

As for my version

Just an ordinary conversation in the Reyes household

(Mom dropping the big stinky bomb in the bathroom)

Inigo: *knocks* Mommy why are you there?

Mommy: I'm pooping. :|

Inigo: Why don't you poop in the other bathroom?

Mommy: Because you and Bianca are there.. :| :| :|

Inigo: Mommy!!

Mommy: WHAT??

Inigo: You know they say that when there are many people near, you can't poop cause your poop becomes shy.

Mommy: YES!

Inigo: It's not true mommy! That's not true.

Mommy: GET OUT!!!

Pride vs Pagpapalakad : A response to a facebook status.

Disclaimer: Let's act like mature young-adults and understand that this is simply an exchange of opinions; It is not to be taken personally nor is it rooted from any deeper secret antagonism or whatever your scandalous brains might think of fabricating.

A very appalling facebook status has caught my attention as I browsed through my newsfeed. Something about cheating one's way into a college that didn't accept you while everyone worked hard to pass, and the likes of it. Although it was worded in the most subtle way I could imagine, it was still quite an agressive post with a very condemning message.

I salute the optimism displayed towards this issue, but I just have to say that the point-of-view from where the writer is seeing things is irrefutably simplistic. Not everyone is blessed with a full scholarship in one of the most prestigious universities in the country to fallback on once their dream college has rejected them. When all else fails, one has no choice but to find loopholes to get themselves in the college they want to ensure themselves of the quality education they desire. It's merely an act of survival, especially in this world where everyone tries to step on each other. And with no doubts I can affirm that one who has bought his way into college, wouldn't see it as cheating either.

First and before anything else, he/she probably didn't take into consideration the huge extent of facebook users who under her paradigm might be labeled as someone who cheated his way into college. I, with all gratefulness, passed one of my target universities, but yet I am still appalled by this post. I have a number of friends scattered in different universities yet didn't make it to the entrance exam's cut-off (or "nagpa-lakad" in a less sugar-coated way) and I don't think any less of them for making that choice. In fact, several of them made it to dean's list on the first semester itself. There is nothing un-dignifying about finding other ways to get into schools that have rejected. Because despite all the "likes" and exalting comments this facebook post has earned, I know that somewhere, there are readers who were hurt and offended by your very jubilant advice.

Nevertheless, I don't want this argument to be an appeal to emotions, or grounded on other people's feelings. In fact, we all have our right to voice out our opinions. So on the technical level..

You can argue that the "lakad" system may take away the value of meritocracy (rewards in life based on merit, working hard and in this case, passing the entrance exams). Although, once they enter that target school they "cheated their way into" , if they really aren't competent enough to reach the school's standards, then they're gonna fail. But if they can survive, then they have obviously met the school's standards, proving wrong the principle of the entrance exam score as the main criteria to get in.

But those are just my sentiments.

With all my heart, I hope and plea that this post doesn't make either myself or the facebook status writer sound like a total bitch to anyone. This is merely about clashing ideas and opposing thoughts and nothing on the personal note.

Battle of the New Year ball Drops: Times Square, New York vs Ayala Avenue, Makati

It's 2 hours and 14 minutes past new year, the roads are fogged from all the fireworks and everyone is probably drinking their livers out tonight. And here I am, chewing yemas and pastillas to my heart's delight while killing time with my dad who's chugging what might be his 10th glass of wine for the night. I guess I'm too old to be asleep as this time of new year, but then again to young to be going out. I guess that's why I'm just here, making chronicles of my oh-so-awesome new year's experience as if it were the most interesting thing I could think of doing.

Enough with my bitching and explanatory disclaimers. Let's talk about my new year.

So I've been really really curious about this local ball drop that Makati City is trying to pull off. Last new year, I was in the snowy congested streets of Times Square, N.Y. with my family, greeting 2011 with the world-renowned ball drop. Well at least that means I'm critiquing this Makati ball drop with an on-hand witnessing of what it's trying to imitate.

I arrived in Ayala Avenue at exactly 10:15 PM, preceded by a glorious 8-course meal at the Makati New World Hotel which is just a good 5 minute-walk away. With a bloated stomach and nothing but a portalet(those shammy portable toilets) as the nearest to a comfort room that I can get, the thought of standing for almost 2 hours just to see a local version of the ball drop was unfathomable for me. They tried to ease the audience's discomfort and boredom by putting The Dawn's and some Chinese magician on stage to entertain us. As expected, The Dawn played songs which are NOT from my era, thus the continuous prevalence of my boredom. The Chinese magician, on the other hand, did a great attempt to amuse us with his guessing skills, but the great discomfort from standing up for hours surrounded by semi-drunk or semi-grumpy crowds got in the way of his magnum opus.

I'd have to admit, time went by much quicker than I expected. Soon enough, the one-minute-till-2012 countdown began. 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 HAPPY NEW YEAR! There were fire works in the sky. I, being my eerie self, found more interest in observing the faces of the people around. Filipinos, foreigners, foreigners with filipina girlfriends, small dogs of the wannabe-Paris Hilton filipinas, just everyone around. All the grumpy frowns, impatient faces and lifted eyebrows suddenly disappeared and turned into faces of awe and amazement. Everyone stared up at the beautiful, colorful, voluminous fireworks as the best of 2011 party music was played--you know, the typical holiday playlist: Moves Like Jagger, Party Rock Anthem, I'm Sexy and I Know it and all those other songs you play during 20122 Christmas parties.

The fireworks were of different variations, most of them I have never seen in my life (and I've seen a pretty darn lot of fireworks, I'd like to believe. HA HA) They even had one that when thrown to the air, forms a shape of a smiley face in sparkling pink and green lights. But it's not the quality or diverseness of the fireworks that amused us all--- it's the length of the show and how much fireworks were used. (And perhaps the lingering question "HOW MUCH WAS SPENT FOR THIS?")

The fireworks show lasted for 15 good minutes. I'm guessing those "paputoks" causE about 500/pc, and judging by the amount of fireworks sparkling in the sky, Binay could have spent about 5-10 Million pesos to light up the Makati sky for 15 minutes. That could have helped an entire city in Iligan impaired by Sendong, or maybe feed a great amount of hungry Filipinos spending New Year in the streets. Nevertheless, the lavish lights-show amazed everyone in the crowded Ayala Avenue and has raised the standards of local New Year's celebrations once again.

Regardless of the over-the-top fireworks, in terms of the "ball drop" itself I'd have to say that Makati failed. From the first part of my post I have made my ranting about the crowd quite evident. I'd like to blame this unwanted crowd on the extremely LOW ball drop (yes. we're talking altitude here). Unlike in Times Square, despite the crowd being a million times more in quantity, there was no demand for them to congest themselves in one corner of the street, considering that the ball drop is coming from one of the highest buildings, hence it can be seen even from a far.

The only two differences (that I could spot) this Makati ball drop has from the Times Square original is: (1) The weather. It is practically snowing in New York at this time of the year. When the place is warm, people swear and their moods are like those in the sims whose bars are all shaded red and has been purposely neglected by the player. (2) The celebrities. All we had on stage was the Dawn and some Chinese magician. But who are we to compare our locals to New York's hollywood stars? Nevertheless, I (and Im pretty sure the rest of Makati) was still blown away. I didnt expect such extravagance from Filipinos. I entered Ayala Avenue almost sure that what I was going to watch had nothing on the original. I was wrong.

And for that, Mayor Junjun and Vice President Jejomar Binay(s), I give you two thumbs up! Kudos for the wonderful night! Pinaalala ninyo sa akin na magaling talaga ang Pilipino!

Self un-thwarting from online blabbing

My last attempt to maintain an active blog ended as I was rudely mocked by someone offended by another “controversial” (in my standards and in my world, that is) post of mine. And I cant even digest how stupid it was of me to think that my posts remain within my circle. Who would’ve thought that that simple blog rant would cause a brutally harsh public note on facebook, to the extremes with no pity at all, for who else but yours truly. A Bianca depreciation page if I would call it? But behind every mishap is a story that justifies everything.. And I don’t take back a single word I uttered but with my effort to keep things in order,(my pathetic attempt for damage control) I shall keep my mouth shut and thoughts to myself.

As time flew and shit rained/shit reigned (either way it works haha! WTH feeling pun), I realized whom to trust and whom I should never utter a single word to, and that only 1% of the people you tell actually care… the other 99% are just curious souls who either think they care or know to themselves that they don’t give a f*** but still ask anyway. But my silence has to end. And with this post, my online blabbing has officially returned.

And as my grim title tells, I shall unzip my mouth and uncuff my hands blog thwarted hands >:)