I. Hypocrisy
We only live our lives once, thus it is much healthier to live it without regrets. Eradicate all the regrets that you stock in your heart, big or tiny as they may be, as they are of no use. Remember your exact state of mind that moment you decided on that very choice, back when it was exactly what you wanted, when it was the most optimal wish your heart and mind could possibly agree on. And then, remind yourself why you chose that path in the first place, until you come to accept things as they are. Soon you will see everything in good light, and eventually greet everything with a smile.
Bullshit. Never have I composed such a hypocritical group of self help quotes and pretentiously helpful words. When I meet a man who hasn’t been eaten up by regret, not even for a moment in his life, maybe, then maybe I would actually consider believing all of this emotional hullaballoo. Why did I even write that.
Perchance those words are helpful. Perhaps those quotes would aid to free us from the cage of regret we have entrapped ourselves in, that very moment we start beating ourselves up for that one decision we didn’t expect (or if in a masochistic paradigm, something we did in fact expect) that would break us apart.
II. My Attempt to Synthesize the Principle of Regret
There is no such thing as a person who hasn’t made a single faulty choice in life. A man with no regret is a man with no mistake, and that is unless he is wholly apathetic with his life and wouldn’t give a rat’s ass if everything fell apart. As for me, I think its my trauma and fear of the human imperfection that lit the matchstick for my little candle of regret. Had I known this little candle’s fire would burst into flames and burn me like a morning toast bread, I wouldn’t have chose to fear for what possible disasters human imperfection might torment me with, and would’ve made an otherwise decision in the first place.
And that, my friends, is the very essence of regret. We are stuck on had I knowns and if I knews. And then we mentally beat ourselves up for not knowing, for not seeing it coming—things that clearly weren’t our fault, but since there is no one else accountable but ourselves, it appears to be, and will always be our mistake. That’s just how this unfairly callous world functions.
You know you’re screwed that very moment your mistake starts living in your head; It would plant seeds in your mind until it grows, grows, grows and dominates the bulk of your thoughts, until every idle moment your brain would just turn into sessions of regret reminiscence. And in those sessions, your brain is bombarded with thoughts of what could have happened had you made a different choice, or it would probably ponder on how reckless of a decision was the path you chose. All these imposing, emphasizing, and accentuating your stupidity…until you feel so wrong you just cant help but scream your lungs out, or in tamer cases, just simply burst into tears.
III. And here comes the reflection paper, the root of my bane synthesis, the fuel of all the thoughts that build up this post
I’m pretty certain that this isn’t an isolated case. I know you’ve felt that exact regret-induced pain as well. And then you reach this pathetic point when these aches of regret are just too much, your chest starts hurting and everything just seems out of place. The worst part is when this shit load of regret piles itself up in a chain reaction—when your attempts to mitigate just end up working like a bomb that destroys everything even more. When you want to call him/her up and everything just gets worse. When you explain yourself but everything is taken the wrong way, making you seem like an even bigger villain. This is all until you reach that point when your pride is almost completely obsolete, when dignity doesn’t matter, just as long as you get to undo your mistakes and rid yourself of those regrets, but when deep inside you know it will just remain a figment of your imagination, It will never happen. It can’t happen. It’s too late.
Had I freed myself from my fear of his human imperfections, I wouldn’t be in such despondency right now. My fear sabotaged the only thing that brought me genuine happiness, the only thing that had enough power to make me smile on a shitty day. And now it feels as if my stomach muscles contract and my heart palpitates every single time I’m reminded of my foolishness. I didn’t fight for it. I had the chance. I had it in my hands. But I chose to free my palms and let it fly away, until there was nothing left, until it was all gone .And now it’s too late. And I regret it. And it just kills me.
And suddenly, “what if” became the two saddest words I could think of.
IV. Lesson Learned
My gut tells me that I am speaking with much ambiguity. I’m drowning myself in metaphors, as I can not find adequate words to perfectly describe the principle of regret. All I am sure of is that this is exactly how I am feeling right now. No, contrary to what your meager minds might want to believe, this is not an emo post. Time and again, it would always be perfectly normal for people to be bothered by mistakes and regrets. Given this gloom of a situation, there are only two things we ought to do: It’s either we hope, or we accept and move on. It is principal to have proper judgment as to when it is proper time to do either of those two. Nevertheless, regrets will remain an inevitable piece in the puzzle of life. So put on your combat boots and prepare to jump your mind away from the burns and flames of the words what if.
