I want you alive

I am strong—but sometimes it just gets too difficult.

It becomes such a challenge to be a pacifist when you provoke me like this.. every single time.

I don’t know. I am not sure. It could only be three things.

1)   You are living in an imaginary world: A world you have successfully convinced yourself of the veracity of your lies, a world where you take no conscious effort to insist that the figments of your thoughts (your illusionary paradigm wherein you are innocent and guilt free) are real and legitimate, and these imaginary premises actually govern your conscience,

2)   Or that you are a pathological and compulsive liar who has been throwing around all your imaginary stories so much that the fact that they are all imaginary and made up it doesn’t even affect you anymore. You’ve preached and asserted your illusions enough to build a veil of lies over your conscience. You lied enough for your conscience to be long extinct.

You know what you did.

I try to live by my integrity and principles. I try to keep my cool and continue to believe my life long philosophy asserting the pointlessness of revenge and retaliation, that I need not do anything to serve me justice and reciprocate the pain and permanent damage you have inflicted upon me, that the cosmos, somewhere up there, can feel my plight and will somehow, in a very discreet and in the least conspicuous way, justify everything perhaps through karma or (hopefully) through a constant distressed conscience taking the most brutal form of attack on your mind every single day.

But you keep pushing me. You keep insisting your imaginary self righteous lies you mask as facts and publicly broadcast them to the world as if it didn’t even bother a single part of your being.

And it doesn’t really help that we are stationed in such a patriarchal society; a world where woman victims are sympathized with, but not empathized. A world where it is always the fault of the vulnerable. It’s the fault of the vulnerable for being vulnerable and the fault of the weak for being weak. It’s the fault of the unlucky for being there at the wrong place at the wrong time. And its never the fault of the Alpha for that’s what they are biologically designed to do (or some other lame self righteous patriarchal rationalization that makes absolutely no sense)

I know you carry this with you. Every damn day. You carry it along as baggage—baggage just like mine. The only difference is how we treat this baggage. You have no conscience. That's why it's so easy for you.

But despite my deep hatred for you
No matter how much I'm starting to believe that you are the human embodiment and incarnation of the devil and Satan himself
I AM NOT wishing you dead. I’m not wishing you dead inside either.

Why? Because you already are. Always have and always will be.

Instead

I wish that you be alive and human as possible.

I wish your natural human senses would come to life, would tingle like they normally would in the case of every other human being.

I’d wish you to be human enough to feel my plight, to be alive enough to be bothered by the gravity of the evil you have done to me.

I want you to be as alive as possible.

I want a spur of emotions, I want your blood rush every time you hear my name:

A blood rush that is the perfect alchemy of guilt, self-loathing and regret.

But you are dead. You are as dead as a human could ever be.

You may still breathe; you may eat and excrete like a normal person would,

You may still be significant agent in the oxygen and carbon cycle and contribute to every natural process with all its biological technicalities

BUT YOU ARE AS DEAD AS A HUMAN COULD EVER BE

The existence of your soul is questionable and that of your conscience is obviously obsolete.

I WANT YOU TO LIVE.

BE HUMAN.

FEEL.

And most of all
suffer.

A cheat day away from temper management

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZP8pCw4MBY

WARNING: This post may contain explicit verbal content that may make me sound like an overly upset uneducated spoiled brat with morally questionable intentions.

Oh wait no. I won’t apologize for being upset. In fact I will take full liberty to type EXACTLY, verbatim and vernacular, what is going on in my mind right now.

I’ve seen this video floating around the net for a while now but have decided against wasting my time watching it. I knew I hated that (person is not a suitable noun) why would I waste my time for you arrogant asdfghjkl. AND BESIDES I TAKE PRIDE IN LIVING A LIFE AWAY FROM YOU.

But my mom forced me and well I was right, NOW I CANNOT KEEP MY COOL AND HAVE DECIDED TO QUIT HIDING BEHIND THIS VEIL OF CALMNESS AND BLISSFUL IGNORANCE AND JUST YELL.  Not just because I think Ethel Booba is cool and you are a totally unworthy self righteous ass for yelling at her that way.

YOU FUCKTARD.

YOU DON’T YELL AT PEOPLE LIKE THAT, ESPECIALLY ON TELEVISION

MY WHOLE CHILDHOOD I’VE BEEN WONDERING WHAT WHY AND HOW IN THIS CRUEL EARTH DO YOU STILL GET TO KEEP YOUR JOB?? But then I grew up and educated myself and realized (and mourned at the thought of how) you are such a fucking commodity in this godforsaken capitalistic media television world.

HOW COULD SUCH A DEMON BE SO BANKABLE??? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS INDUSTRY? (And by industry I am including Fans and not just media companies)

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR ACTING LIKE SUCH AN ASSHOLE AND NO I AM NOT SARCASTIC:

Since the inception of your (unreasonable) fame you have been constantly doing the most asshole things. From ruining my childhood by making manyak the Calendar Girl contestants when you were a host of that something noon time show in the 90’s, you’ve been on a spree of constant perverted-ness and rudeness.

BECAUSE WITH EVERY ACT YOU DO, YOU ARE OPENING MINDS OF MORE AND MORE FILIPINOS ABOUT THE EVIL THAT HUMANS (wait no I take this back. THAT WAS SUCH AN INSULT TO THE HUMAN RACE) ARE CAPABLE OF.

I sound stupid but I am in rage mode.

I still don’t understand. You know, after your stampede in Ultra I thought the ludicrousness of your fame would finally dawn on people and your ratings would, I don’t know, hopefully go down down down UNTIL YOUR SHOW GETS CUT OFF.

BUT NO. That’s not what happened. You continued to thrive on your money making vulgar spree. You and your narcissistic desire to control ABSCBN with your totalitarian ways have already gotten you kicked out of the channel, and now, for some demonic reason you ended up in a different network with an equal opportunity to lord it all over them again.

You are a phenomenon. A tragic phenomenon. People should stop accusing Koreans of being rude and attempting to take over the country. There is some other tragic phenomenon that is struggling to lord his rudeness over the archipelago.

I am so mad at you right now I am this close (makes a gesture of a tiny tiny tiny distance) to accusing you of being an illuminati

And now I am proofreading to make sure I don't accidentally mention your name cause you might sue me for libel for staining your super clean and super innocent rep which is super loved by the super filipinos.