All The Times I Miss You

HELLO!!!

 

Did you know...

Did you know how much I missed you yesterday?
I missed you yesterday when I was studying. It felt weird doing it alone. Sipping coffee in solitude is great, especially with a cigarette at hand, And reading about politics and philosophy is the best therapy for an itching mind like mine. But Economics...it's hard; it entails a LOT of math and I wish I had your numerical genius to guide me. It may be beyond your freshman pool of knowledge, but your smile is enough to remind me that numbers are not the enemy.

I miss you a lot when I’m busy having fun. I try to pretend that I don’t miss you and that going all Drake-YOLO is just as great and feasible a task even without your presence--just like when I was enjoying the states and was in total denial of my budding feelings for you, but I text you anyway because I can't help it. So what if my phone bill skyrockets to the moon? My strong and in-denial pride can find a way to rationalize that menacing bill and brainwash myself to believe that I don't miss you at all. We're best friends anyway...

I also missed you today…just like when I think about my dead cat whose fraternal twin is blossoming through the most adorable form of stomach adipose in your room right now. My little Socrates is gone, but his very existence in my life is enough to make a lasting mark.

And I'm sure as hell that I'll miss you tomorrow. I’m not exactly sure how I’ll miss you on a day that has yet to come. But I know I will. For certain. It's only a premonition, but a premonition at it's purest and most forceful form. Just like how I knew in my heart and in my feminine gut that I was gonna miss you real bad that day you told me you were gonna go all John Denver on me and leave on a jet plane, without knowing when you'll be back again. I didn’t know for certain how  I was gonna miss you—but I knew it was gonna eat me alive like a loch ness monster that I don't really believe is real. I'll miss you tomorrow so bad, real bad I'm actually writing about it (again, like last time)

I miss you. All of you. I want you here beside me. Now. Later. Tomorrow. All day. Everyday. Until the day I get sick of your face—and I don't think that day will ever come at all. Well, unless you kill my cat--but then again I have enough faith in you to trust you'll treat my little rockstars with the same love and affection as their Mommy Cat does.

I miss you so much. Everyday. I itch to see you every time.
Just like a swollen rash. A rash that simply won't go away. A rash that shocked the world for it shouldn't at all belong to someone like me (I may be the clumsy one but Inigo will always be the itching allergy pantal master of the world)
You are the rash I have never been plagued with before, but nonetheless, every time I feel the itch, it makes me smile as it reminds me that I'm human as well, capable of feeling, hurting, missing and loving. And that is a very beautiful thing.
A rash that not even the most expensive brand of imported ointment can cure. I must’ve been bitten by a rare insect, probably a species that can only be found in Bob Marley’s hair—Bob Marley who was long gone, long dead.
Yes my dear, you are that rare.







And I hope you don't take offense to the fact that I compared missing you to a rash.
It's just that I miss you so much that my foolish need to indulge in metaphors has even fallen intro trap.


I'm sorry I just miss you so much
Please don't think I'm a creep.

Marcos? Really? I don't think so.

Disclaimer: Rage blogging once again. Expect no concrete thoughtflow or watchamacallit.

The online discourses on RH Bill, Cybercrime law and Chiz Escudero have dominated and left our facebook newsfeeds and now it seems as if Ferdinand Marcos is the newest highly celebrated political trend in the local internet scene. Before this hype dies down, let me take the liberty to share tidbits of my (raging) sentiments towards this tragedy that seems to strike Filipino minds nowadays.

What else could this aforementioned tragedy be but the growing affinity and esteem people seem to grant unto Ferdinand Edralin Marcos. An alarming number of Filipinos have been broadcasting their respect towards Marcos, some even granting him the privilege of being named the best president in Philippine History. (Such an insult towards all the other Filipino Presidents ouch)

Yes. This is a tragedy. Reading such nauseating commentaries make me feel like a bulimic with barf constantly flowing from my poor Filipino lips. It's disappointing to hear the youth speak of Marcos as if his graft-monarchy and excessive and relentless spree of human rights violations ceased to exist. But to each his own, right? I try to rationalize their opinions and understand how they could come up with such conclusions that seemed unforgivably feeble and ignorant to me. Perhaps the alarmingly high poverty rate or the dismal and tedious lack of infrastructural development in status quo have fogged up their thoughts thus leading them to make such hasty conclusions. Among all these emerging Marcos commentaries, what made me snap was this open letter from, take note: a grown married Filipino studying International Trade Law and Economics in South Korea. His words leave me to assume that he was not at all present in our poor country during this examined era, or that he has not at all heard of the plight of the Filipinos during this regime.

The problem with looking at things in retrospect is you tend to forget exactly how terrible the situation was at that very moment.

First of all, it pains me to see that you’re a grown married man who remains unpardonably ignorant with regard to what really went on during this regime which you claim to be knowledgeable of. I am  currently a college student taking up Political Science, thus adequately immersed to all the ongoing graft and relentless human rights violations during the Marcos era. However, it didn’t take me until college to have this upon my knowledge: since I was a toddler it was embedded in our hearts, minds and in our very beings that Ferdinand Marcos was not good news to Filipinos. Disregard my course or my youthful affinity for Politics—my very existence as a Filipino is enough of a credential to question your claims. I understand that you are taking up International Trade Law and Economics abroad but that does not grant you with any right to limit your basis or standards on what makes "The Best President in Philippine History" solely on the economic and “development” status of the country and consequently undermine the rights of the Filipinos that were almost obsolete during that era. With such a credible credentials: with your relatively seasoned age, studying political economy abroad and all that, I don’t think you realize the power of your words on the less privileged Filipino Youth who base their sentiments on the statement and opinions of those who have read through more.

Yes, he has a soul burning to propagate infrastructural developments and establishing institutions. Yes, numerous important features of the country such as the CCP, San Juanico Bridge and all those mentioned in your post came to inception during his era.

BUT AT THE EXPENSE OF WHAT? Human rights violations? Social Injustices? Worth it? Really? Best president? I don't think so. Did you forget how many workers have been buried alive during the constructions that Imelda rushed? Or perhaps did it slip your mind that Ferdinand Marcos LOANED billions of pesos from international institutions–loans that we, FILIPINOS WHO ARE BASED IN OUR CORRUPTION AND POVERTY PLAGUED ARCHIPELAGO, are still paying for with our hard earned taxes up to now at the very late age of 2013. It is understandable to make international loans in the name of social and economic development. But it's not as if those loans were all put to good use.

I wonder how Imelda funded all her jewels and shoes. Just sharing.

Are these the ingredients for the “Best Filipino President Ever?” your hasty assumptions frustrate me, and are, mind you, an insult to the previous Filipino presidents.

Moreover, I cannot fathom how it totally slipped your memory that Ferdinand Marcos was the biggest Human Rights violator and extra judicial killer in the history of the Philippines. Did you forget how many people whose life he put an end to during the Martial Law era? Did you forget about how attached he was to power and how his fear to step down from the presidency has caused him to plague the Philippines with such an imposition? Did you forget about the EDSA revolution?

I won't even elaborate any further. Do your own research or talk to Filipinos who 1) Actually live here and are experiencing the vestiges of his cruel regime and 2) Those primary witnesses and victims of his lack of soul and humanitarian concern. Rather, let me leave you with this thought: If he were the best Filipino president in history, or if he were even a good president at all, WHY WOULD MILLIONS OF FILIPINOS GATHER FOR THE EDSA REVOLUTION? Because, yes, Filipinos would TOTALLY revolt against the best president ever.

I will not even get myself started on Imelda, even though I really want to talk about her shoes.